After 7 years working as an English teacher in Marburg, Germany, I am leaving... this weekend. Looking back, I see a jumble of impressions, dominated by the monumental sadness of my divorce.
Here is what I have to say.
It is a very strange feeling to be leaving here, the rhythms sights and
sounds of this little town have seeped into my pores throughout the
years to the extent that I feel it part of my identity. I know that I
will feel very confused and distressed over the next few days as I get
used to another me, but that is also what I wanted when I made the
decision to leave at the end of November after so much soul-searching:
to stop sleep-walking through life and put myself in a new and
challenging environment where I can feel the thrill of growing and
fulfilling my potential. If there is one thing I have learned about
myself post-Maria, it is that no amount of material comfort and
stability can stand in for the fact that I need to feel as if I am
pushing myself, doing something inspiring and making a constructive
contribution if I am to gain any satisfaction from life. Not everyone
would frame their life in this way, and doubtless my values are in some
way a product of the particularly long and winding road that has taken
me to this point; but everyone I have spoken to about my reasons for
leaving has, without exception, acknowledged that this is the right path
for me. Nevertheless, what is right, is not always what is easiest, and it is
particularly difficult to keep your focus when your eyes are filled with
the tears of leaving.
